and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
