areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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