Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
