Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
