guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
They took my balls.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
