dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
