laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
