Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
