so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
