Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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