tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
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But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
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I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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