yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
How does one acquire holy water?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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