the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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