I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
