Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
