Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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