there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
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It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
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Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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