and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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