hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
