watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
