hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Let's get the cat blown out
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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