I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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