I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
