ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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