You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
