Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
