Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
