On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
