i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She bit a glass in half.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
