Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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