That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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