I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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