My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Randomize
