if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
