so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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