I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
