ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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