Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
