you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
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i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
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Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
A bitchslap is in order.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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