His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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