I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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