I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
