so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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