I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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