I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
