i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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