Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
