we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
This house was built for laser tag.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
