goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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