That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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