Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
