I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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