I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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