I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
