proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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