At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
