I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
