So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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