ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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