Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
