Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
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"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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