$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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