WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
