I CAN MOONWALK!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
