No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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