so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
