and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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