Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
