It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
