I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You can't just leave with hair like that
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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