You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize