I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
