dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
