You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
