someone threw a dead crab at me
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
