I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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