I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
