He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
