I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
