Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
