you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
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Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
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I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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